[FEAT BC Admin]

In this discussion area, please feel free to share your experience in implementing A.B.A. programs in the school system. We would particularly like to hear from those parents who converted their school teams to A.B.A. We’d like to hear the nightmares as well as the success stories.

Any insight that can be shared by school-based special education assistants to help parents would also be very meaningful.

Topic

[Judy Pletnikof]

Can anyone recommend a capable
inclusion specialist who is able
to work with an autistic student
in a supported inclusion placement
in high school?
Thanks for any suggetions.
Judy Pletnikoff
pletnikf@ptialaska.net

[Michelle Weis]

To Anon regarding school aides etc.

I wanted to make another comment…When Taylor was in preschool I had therapists going in once a week to check on him. People were wondering why and asked who the aide belonged to. I had a great excuse because my older son has autism. I used to say that we were keeping an eye on him just in case.
Most parents are nosey. You could say that your child may have had a speech delay (or whatever fits in to your child profile)and you want to watch and make sure things are ok. That you are taking a proactive approach to your child's development. Talk to the nosey parents and bring it up yourself and that way their suspicions might be put to rest.
How did they suspect autism? Who brought up autism? If your child has lost his diagnosis you do want to protect him. I completely agree. Believe me I have been their and still going through it.
Take care and good luck.
Michelle

[Deleted User]

As the original anonymous poster of the thread I wanted to add a few clarifications:

I don't care what other parents think of me, my concern isn't myself being snubbed, I'm a big girl and I can handle anything. And I am actually very outgoing and the first to strike up conversations with all the other parents.

My concern is for my child. Having entered this school with no one knowing that there was anything different, suddenly now people are finding out and changing how they treat my child. THey are not finding out because of anything noticeable that my child is doing, rather they are questioning who the aide is. If it were not for the aide, I'm sure they would not know a thing. (the school is completely aware of the diagnosis as well as the child's progress and is a wonderful support to our program. THey also support our desire to allow our child to have a fair go at being a regular kid.) We are working to fade our aide out but in the mean time I have a few parents staring at my child searching and looking for clues of a diagnosis that really no longer exists. One parent even asked my aide several times "is that a sign of autism?" while staring at every move my child made. What bothers me about this is that they are searching to see something different. And if that is their perspective how will they treat my child? what influence will they have on their child and in turn how will their child treat mine?

And amazingly we have had numerous playdates and field trips, these parents have seen my child and thought nothing different of my child until they heard the word "autism". It is a very small school and a small community, once that label is stuck, it will be hard to shake.

I agree that I wouldn't want my child to be friends with someone who would look down their nose at them, but would they look down their nose if they did not know? No. I wanted my child to finally get to be just like any other child because finally that is where they are. But now that eggshell has cracked I guess I was hoping there might be some great ideas on smoothing the situation ;-)

thank you Michelle for your encouraging comments and Jenny your ideas are greatly appreciated.

And one final note, to the parents who mentioned being proud of their children and not hiding diagnosis… that is a great idea under certain situations… I've been there and have done that but my child no longer has a diagnosis, and is in the process of ending therapy… my child deserves a chance for normalcy, its what we worked for over the last years. I'd like to remind you that those children who lost their diagnosis in the original Lovaas study entered grade 1 with no one knowing of their diagnosis. When people know they treat a child with different expectations and sometimes that is necessary, sometimes it is beneficial but for my child it is not. But let me assure you I am immensely proud of my child and completely amazed at every aspect of progress that has been made

thanks everyone.

[Rachelle Garand]

I have to add to this thread as well. My son is in grade one and was invited to over 11 birthday parties last year in kindergarten. He is popular with his friends. We are blessed with really good parents in his school. This year is grade one and he gets along well with his peers.

[Michelle Weis]

I wanted to throw my 2 cents in here regarding school, playdates, etc.
My son is now 9 in grade 3 with autism. I think we all share that feeling when your child isn't invited to parties or playdates.
It's tough. You feel, almost rejected. It felt to me when my son first started school that it was them and me. We were different. As time went by, I put my guard down a little bit. I went in and talked to brad's class about him and brought pictures. Some parents showed up to listen and I had conversations with them afterward. I even ended making a good friend from that expereince.
As time went by I got less defensive and more open. To this day, when I drop Brad off at school I make sure to get there a few minutes early to chat with the kids. I talk about Brad and they ask questions. I reinforce the fact that they are good friends to Brad. They enjoy having him in class and enjoy helping hm. He has went to 2 birthday parties in the last month from kids from school and has friends over. He was not effected from autism mildly but he is "likeable" and that is important when you get into the school system.
In regards to the comment about not telling the school about diagnosis is a personal choice. My younger son lost his diagnosis 2 1/2 years ago and is in grade 1. You bet! I have not breathed a word about autism to his teacher. He just came home with an incredible report card. I was crying at the fact he GETS a report card and not an IEP. If though there was a visual problem, though, I would have to re-evaluate but I hope that day never comes.
Hang in there, talk to the kids, invite them over. But remember you are not alone. And it will get better. Most parents, I find just don't know what to say so they don't say anything. Make the first move, that way they will get more comfortable.
Good Luck!
Michelle

[Jenny Obando]

To anonymous

I can totally see why you want to keep the diagnosis a secret. I think there is a time and place to educate other people about autism, and that time and place have to feel right for you.

My son is only in preschool but we have encountered a similar situation, our therapist is there only to observe and her interventions are minimal.

I had a parent asked me why she was there, I told her that our therapist was finishing her degree which happens to be true. And that she was getting some experience working with young children, I also told her that our son was delay in some areas and that she (the therapist),was there to make sure he was doing OK. The parent said to me: it looks like your son is just fine", so I just reply:"he is a different child, he has come a long way". And then I proceded to talk about a field trip coming up.

So you don't have to tell any specifics. This things are personal and you should not have to say anything you don't want to.
I do agree with the other parent who said get involved. When the preschool asks for snacks and goodies, I am the first one to sign in. And I make fancy fun stuff so all the kids go: oh that is nice who made those cookies or whatever. And my son can say he did. It helps make him the popular kid.

As far as birhdays and playdates go. Don't wait to be invited take the first step and invited them. And try to make it so fun that the kids want to come back for more.

Invite the parents to parties like pampered chef or tupperware.
We are at a disadvantage and sometimes maybe our guard is up when it doesn't have to be.
And if after all your effords still nothing,and they ignore you and your child. You are probably better off without them.

I hope this helps a little.
Jenny ( Tristen's mom)

[Deleted User]

I think that we need to educate parents so that they can instill appropriate values of acceptance, tolerance, understanding, etc. in their children. Last year, I had four special needs students integrated into my classroom. When I phoned a parent of a typical student regarding their son/daughter's truancy, I was told that their child didn't want to attend class because of that "special needs student" in it. They then asked me why that student was in class? Were they learning anything? how unfair it was to the other children…etc. As a parent of a special needs child, it was a real eye opener. Kids don't have a chance of learning acceptance if mom and dad are so intolerant.

[Deleted User]

I also feel great sorrow about your situation
(being snubbed by other parents). Not all parents are so awful, kids are learning to be leary of others who are different from their parents. In the school my children are in , they have organized an " information session" for parents about autism. All are invited to " uncover the mystery" of autism, and so they can have the tools to answer any questions their children have. Hopefully this will also assist the parents to accept and include all the children in the class. I wonder, if you chose to let other parents know of you sons diagnosis, if a similar info session would help to create a better environment?

[Froc]

May I suggest that you look at a new school as an opportunity for YOU to get involved in a community that will be your support network (and just plain good friends.) Of course, I don't know what your availablilty is a parent volunteer in the school, but I can be pretty sure that if you get involved at the PAC meetings or volunteer to do something as easy as decorate a bulletin board in the hallway regularly, then you'd get to know some parents. Given that you are new to the school, not only is this a great opportunity to have your son integrated, you, too, can now have an opportunity to be integrated as just like the other 'typical' parents and be involved with PAC activities. Every new school should welcome new faces to come out to PAC meetings at the least. It doesn't have to be a 'political' position, just an involved one.
I get the feeling that the parents at your other school were wary of you and your son. Try to give the new school a chance, and not walk in with a proverbial chip on your shoulder.
I am going through much the same thing at my own school. My third grade son has a TA for the first time, the other parents don't know that she's there for him, and assume now that their child will be receiving the extra help. They're right, to a point, the teacher will now have a fairer amount of time to give to each child instead of focusing on mine, but I have had to button up and let them think what they want, knowing that the TA and the teacher will be in the class, doing what's best and that they are the ones that are obligated to make sure his IEP goals are met, not the other parents. I also have a good relationship with a few other parents in the school and they've known my son a long time. Even when they do realize that the TA's there for him, they won't be surprised at all.

[Deleted User]

Don't get me wrong…I understand fully and completely when the birthday invites come and they don't for my child…I was told at the end of Kindergarden last year that the parents were going to have play dates every wednesday, and they'd give me a call (during the summer months)…none of them ever called, and this year, when I run into them, I just walk right by…I don't care what they think about me being snobby or whatever…What has been lucky for us, is that this year a little girl in my daughter's class has an older sister with disabilities and she, and her friends, and their parents have been very understanding, and very supportive..not all in the grade though…we get the strange looks and stuff, but my daughter is extremely special, happy, smart, and the other kids and their parents could certainly learn a few things from her. I guess when I say, be proud..it's that I'm proud that my daughter does not make fun of anyone, she doesn't notice differences in people, and she has a pure soul. I know that she is going to have social problems as she gets older, but hopefully the ABA she is getting now will teach her to recognize the "bad apples"…Those parents that are so naive are a bad influence on their kids and not worth the thought…

[Author]

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