[David Chan]

This message is to wish every one a joyous
and peaceful, and restful holiday season. It's
no suppose to have anything to do with
therapy……

However, as I sit and watch the boy play with
his sister, and help make marshmallow
snowmen on the gingerbread house, I can't
help but realize that if as I say" he's had a lot of
work done" none of what I observed would
have ever, ever,ever happened. So when your
guys and gals do cool stuff, take a moment
and really enjoy it, that's your work that you are
looking at.

Well Merry X'mas to all and for those of you
that aren't of the faith, happy holidays

Mr. P's Dad

[David Chan]

Slight addnedum

I mis-quoted the teacher.

"P is without a doubt the hardest working
member of the class"

I must and always should add that he is
where he is not only because there are lots of
people that are kind, patient and generous
with him, but also that he is being treated with
science based treatment i.e. ABA THERAPY.

Never, forget who brought you to the dance as
they say.

Still in the trenches

Mr. P's Dad

Dave

[David Chan]

I would like to respond to the glory issue.

I am not the anonymous poster, but I make no
apologies to the fact that –"I do a great job
with my child helping him/her and doing what
needs to be done." That's what my role is in
his life.

Look, the support thing is pretty darn etherial —
When a kid gets proper intevention, and starts
to improve and have a better life, that's where
the rubber meets the road.

As for glory, non of us grown ups deserve any
of it. Glory is only reserve for the truly
victorious in this little endevour — The children.
The adults in the equation are at best coaches
and sometimes referees to make sure the
there is fair play for the true combatants —
again the children.

My kid got his first term report card today. Not
perfect by any means, there are still many
things that he can't do yet. but this comment
from his teacher stuck out
"He is the hardest working student in my
class"
That dear friends is what it comes down to,
giving these kid a chance to show what they
CAN do; not what is expedient and acceptable
to us regular adults.

We've taken a stand, and try and provide these
heroic children with the oppurtunity to succeed
and reach their potential. We only provide
them with a venue, we DO none of the work.

And finally, I was reading and I found a
quotation by an America president regarding
the issue of glory:

"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win
glorious triumphs, even though checkered by
failure,than to take rank wiht those poor spirits
who neither enjoy nor suffer too much,
because they live in the gray twilight that
knows not victory nor defeat"

Theodore Roosevelt

Still grammatically Challenged

Mr. P's Dad

Dave

[David Chan]

Here is my two cents worth on contracts. In
principle, they are a really good idea–however,
on closer examination think about what a
contract is.

I am not a lawyer, but my take on a contract is
that is a document which has criteria that is
binding and reciprocal.

The Tx has to perform to a certain standard
and the converse of that statment is that YOU
have to maintain some "standard".

Do you as a family with a disabled child with
all that it entails want some therapist to dictate
to you, that YOU haven't provided as an
employer, the Standards that they require.

Contracts also imply some enforceable
degree of commitment. I gotta tell ya, if a
therapist isn't commited to working well with
your child, a contract isn't going to make 'em.

If your contract entails some fixed time period,
it makes it even worst, because no matter how
awful things get, you- – being the party of the
first part, have to keep them for how ever long
you have agreed.

The reality is parents want a contract because
they want some degree of quality control on
the Tx's, and so they should; but a contract
may not be the answer to the Q.C. question.

my two pennys, and still hanging in there

Dave
Mr. P's Dad

[David Chan]

By Anonymous on Sunday, September 22,
2002 – 04:57 pm:

Homeschooling is more then just an option it
is becoming a
better way of education.

I am not an educator so I wonÕt make a
comment on which method of education is
superior. Many people, famous ones, didnÕt
do well in a formal educational setting. I just
found out recently, that one of my most
admired photographers, Ansel Adams, never
had a formal education in a school setting.
Does that mean that itÕs right for my kid? The
jury is still out on that one.

No more IEP'S
No more unqualified professionals telling you
how to educate
YOUR child
No more fears of how the child will behave
today
No more worries if your child tantrums will
he/she be thrown
out of school
No more school related stress

All these comments are fair enough. But
avoidance of inconvenience and hassle
should not be the sole basis of deciding
whether a child should be educated at school
or not.

Homeschooling you can educate your child,
you can socialize your child,

I have some reservations with this point. Who
are you going to socialize your child with? Try
as I might, I have never managed a play-date
with 24 other children at the same time. Other
than our weekly attendance at church, I have
never been able to set up an assembly in a
school gym for him to be in.

the child can have ABA therapy, and your child
is happier. Most kids with autism can't take the
group
setting .

I take enormous exception to this comment.
The reason? We spend our lives telling the
professionals that our children arenÕt like
"most kids with Autism". Our comments have
always been that because he has had
intensive ABA intervention that he isnÕt like a
child with untreated Autism. WhatÕs
happening here is that we are
self-segregating these children. We saved
THEM the trouble of doing that to us. IsnÕt that
ironic?

Autism by its very definition is "into oneself" so
to deprive these children of the opportunity to
socialize with others seems a rather
self-defeating exercise.

and it's not fair when these professionals try
and
send them to segerated classrooms.

Since when is it about FAIR? ItÕs not fair to the
professionals, wait thatÕs what they are saying
to us. Fairness is about affording my child
every opportunity that a typical child has. IsnÕt
that the mandate of schools, especially public
ones?

Homeschooling is your LEGAL right. You don't
owe a teacher,
principal or anyone an explanation. It's none of
their
buisness.

ItÕs not about owing, we live in a community,
we are our brotherÕs keeper. As much of a
burden as it may seem we are changing the
world, maybe one person at a time, but
someoneÕs got to do it. We would like to think
that in the face of adversity that we all chip in.
Believe me our childrenÕs situation s are
adverse. On a more pragmatic note, do we
just walk away, and let these guys off the
hook? IÕm not so sure thatÕs really the
message that we want to send. Our children
are equal members of this society, we are
taxpayers, and these children have a
constitutional right to equal access to an
education as every citizen of Canada as stated
in the Charter of Rights and Freedoms. They
are, for lack of a better word, entitled.

You have three educational options they are
public, private and homeschooling. Some
suggest you start in
the beginning of the school year. You can start
anytime you
wish.

I donÕt want my kid to be the poster child for
ABA therapy thatÕs not his lot in life; his lot is to
get as much as we as society have to offer
him. In the past two years he has learned
from his peers and moreover his peers have
learned more than the three RÕs, TheyÕve
learned the value of his courage, his tenacity,
and his ability to give love to others. That
admiration and love from his peers, alas I
cannot provide him at home.

Doing OK at school for now

Dave
Mr. PÕs Dad

[David Chan]

Hello to my fellow Feat members & visitors to
this chatboard:

I very rarely post myself on this chatboard,
since my grammatically challenged husband,
Dave, is the writer in the family:) However,
some of the recent posts have really inspired
me to share a few of my observations.

It is common knowledge to all of us parents
that raising a child (or in some awe-inspiring
cases, 2 or 3 children) likes ours is an uphill
battle that we fight on a daily basis, with no
apparent end in sight. The joy of watching our
children make substantial gains thanks to the
science of Lovaas and the dedicated people
who program and implement it gives us the
inspiration to carry on, but the struggle is ours,
nevertheless. Making the struggle worse of
course are those unfortunate individuals that
we encounter who just "don't get it" and don't
make any effort to do so. It is natural for us to
lash out at these people or anyone who
resembles them. I personally would love to
list, here and now, the names of everyone who
over the years has disadvantaged my child,
and there have been many. (However, that
would defeat the purpose of this posting:) )

However, it's also been my experience that a
parent of a child with special needs is held to
a much higher standard of behaviour than
parents of typical children. Maybe because
our children require so much help, we're
expected to be paragons of virtue to
compensate for it. Perhaps others resent how
much care and attention our kids require and
take it out on us–who knows? We who have
chosen to be Feat members have taken on
the added responsibility of representing our
organization. Naturally none of this is
remotely fair.

I appeal to all my fellow FEAT members to
remember that this chat is essentially a public
forum. (In other words, anything we say or do
can be held against us.) Before posting, ask
yourself the question "Will my posting advance
the cause of FEAT and our children, or
diminish it?" And to those non-FEAT visitors
to the board whose postings are particularly
inflammatory, please have the courage to
identify yourself and your agenda so that FEAT
members aren't blamed for the hurtful nature
of your message.

Mr. P's mom (sincere but not half as funny as
Dave;)

[David Chan]

Anon 10:37

Many of us have said exactly what you posted
amongst ourselves, and it's about time that
some one put it in print. The truth is, their
livelihoods are DIRECTLY linked to our
children's disablilty. Talk about biting the
hand that feeds you. Want something done
right, just gotta do it yourself, and I have been
for the last two years.

Here's the up side. The kid is kicking bottom
at school. What a price I've had to pay to see
this wonderous little boy succeed.

It's worth it.

Mr. P's Dad

[David Chan]

Just an Addendum to my last post

What do you think is the role of the S.E.A. in
the class for our guys and gals?

let's try to be as specific as possible, OK

Mr P's dad

[David Chan]

I would like to start a thread about SEA's, Let's
pretend for a moment that logistics are not an
issue. i.e. there are no issues and
bureaucracy regarding placement of the SEA
in the school.

What would be a really good way to implement
an SEA?

I open this to all parents of school age
children, because I think that we as a
collective need to clarify very specifically what
needs to happens when our guys do enter
school.

I realize that all our kids have different needs,
fair enough, but let see if we could all come up
with a "wish list" of structures / stratagies that
would help our guys and gals transition from
their home programs to school.

Look forward to reading all the interesting
ideas

Mr.P's dad

[David Chan]

posting by Anonymous on Thursday, August 1,
2002 – 11:55 pm:

Thank your for the reality check

[Author]

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