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[anonomous]

Hi,

I was hoping to get a bit of help from some families who are working with consultants in the Vancouver area. If you are happy with their service could you possibly email me at mccaula81@shaw.ca. Any information at all (positive and negative) would be extremely helpful as it is hard to make decisions like these on your own. Thanks so much in advance.

[Kim Harding]

Tony keep calling Sunnyhill. Over and over.
Make excuses. I want to make sure you have my
phone # right. I want to make sure you have my
address right. That is what my husband and I
did and it only took us 4 months to get in.
PS Make sure you ask to be put on their cancelation list.

[Nancy Walton]

Hey all you writers out there!!! Check this out:

A Cup of Comfort is a best-selling anthology (book) series published by
Adams Media, an F+W Publications company. Each volume features powerful
true stories about the experiences and the relationships that inspire and
enrich our lives. Submissions are now being sought for A Cup of Comfort
for Parents of Children with Autism. This inspirational volume seeks
personal anecdotal stories (not prescriptive articles) about the unique
aspects of parenting a child with autism and related disorders (Asperger
syndrome, Rett's disorder, disintegrative disorder, pervasive developmental
disorder). Possible themes include, but are not limited to: impact on
other members of family; creative solutions to everyday challenges;
breakthroughs; effective treatments; silver linings; tender moments;
helpful support; unexpected positive outcomes; blessings large and small;
reasons for hope; adult children with autism. We are most interested in
stories written by parents, but will also consider and likely publish some
stories written by professionals and family members or friends with
intimate knowledge of the child and parents in question. Submission
deadline: Oct. 1, 2005. Note: deadlines are sometimes extended. Stories
must be original (not derived from another published work), true, positive,
in English, and 1,000-2,000 words. Open to aspiring, unpublished, and
published writers. Payment: one $500 grand prize per book; $100 each, all
other published stories. Plus copy of book. Guidelines:
<http://www.cupofcomfort.com> (click on "Share your Story") or e-mail
request to: <cupofcomfort@adamsmedia.com>. Additional volumes with varying
themes are planned. A cup of comfort is published by Adams Media, an F+W
Publications company, and edited by Colleen Sell <wordsinger@aol.com>.

Let us know if you get published– Nancy

[Lis Louwrier]

Dear all (especially Kandi)

Thanks so much for your insights. I am always so amazed by the sharing nature of families running ABA programs here. My family has moved continents, received a diagnosis and set up a program in the last 3 years without family around to help and a husband who works very long hours to pay for program. Thank goodness for other families who are will to share their experiences. It makes one feel less alone in all of this.

I also realized after reading your posts that I am doing most of what you are saying anyway. M was 1 when we started therapy with R. Now M is 3.5 years old and is very involved in program play dates especially since M is a really imaginative little guy. In the beginning it was not particularly safe to have him in session due to aggression but now it is safe and they play for short periods of time. M adores R and copies him because he knows that R has a lot of skills to emulate that are truly special. R has been session up to 50 hours a week for 2.5 years. This has paid great dividends. It means he can speak, be at the dinner table, go out, make friends and go to school. We have had great moments in the last 6 months which give me some glimpse of what the future might hold for our family is we continue doing what we do.

I do spend a lot of time with M but I guess I was thinking that I need more pre-school hours over and above 2 mornings or afternoons a week. There are also many rec program set up and we do swimming with M. Having read your posts I think the answer is in spending time together having fun. I worry about M copying R's perseverative speech patterns but I imagine with new friends, this will lessen. R starts school 3 full days a week soon so M will have me to himself. Perhaps celebrating that time for him is most important of all.

Thanks for the insights and if there ar emore, please share.

Lisbeth in Victoria.

[Jeff and Robin]

I wanted to add my two cents worth. I have been running a home based program for almost 13 years. When we started running the program, my son was 3 and my oldest daughter was not quite 5 years old. We always made a point of including her in all of my son's therapy sessions and she quickly became a very competent ABA instructor (at 5 years of age!) Fast forward 13 years and my daughter is now 17 1/2 years old. Not only does she idolize her youngest brother, but is very capable of running through 90% of his programs and doing data collection. Today, she is intent on becoming a psychologist, is an extremely caring and empathic young lady and my point here being that by all means, include your typically developing children in their sibling's program. You will see it pay off in spades years down the pike.

My daughter's involvement was always encouraged by a wonderful junior therapist we had 12 years ago- a young woman many of you know today as one our pre-eminent local consultants-Rachel Russell-who would most certaintly vouch for the merits of including sibs in a home based program.

Best Regards,

Robin Gelfer

[Stella Li]

Reading Kandi's msg made me thought about my typical daughter when we first started ABA therapy a year ago. She was 1 1/2 at that time, very curious and tried to bolt to the basement everytime the therapist came for therapy. She wanted to have fun, to play together with her autistic brother and his therapist. She would cried too, would run to the basement when we were not paying attention.

Sometimes we allowed her to go downstairs to be my son's playdate. Sometimes we distracted her and engaged her in another activities. She is allowed to go into the therapy room to play those nice toys when therapy is not on.

After a few months, my daughter no longer wanted to go downstairs when there is therapy. She is a year older now and seemed to have adjusted well. She seemed to understand it's her brother's learning time. She has her own learning time and playtime inside and outside the house. When her brother comes upstairs, they play together happily :-) and they fight…

When she is older, we will explain to her about her brother's condition.

We pray for our children everynight before they go to bed!!

Well, she is here now and my son is in therapy. I better go to play with her…

Cheers everyone!!

Stella

[Kandi Kilgour]

Hi Lisbeth

I thought I would add my 2 cents. I have an older daughter (D) and a younger daughter (R) and the autistic daughter (M) is sandwiched in the middle.

The older one (D) is VERY mature for her age and we thought she was handling it alright. We moved in August, received the diagnosis in September, had the consultant in November, and started our program. With people coming in and out of the house on a daily basis we noticed that she seemed to become withdrawn and sad and we started to watch her for depression. We put D in a support group for siblings here in Langley and I think she finally understood the severity of her sister's disorder and my oldest took it hard. It took a couple of months, lots of talking at home and at school. D's grade 1 teacher was very supportive and talked about it at school, brought in another child with autism, which was wonderful!!!, and had my daughter do a presentation about it to her class. She also brought M into the class so that other kids could see how she is not that different from them. I think that seeing her sister's progress in therapy helped D see that M was trying hard and she was succeeding. She loves therapy now because it is a time that D spends with me and when one of my therapists brings her daughters over for therapy she plays with them and LOVES IT.

My younger daughter (R) which we are also watching for autism, spends a lot of time with me when M is in therapy. It is our special time of the day to do things together, read books, play and work on R's development and speech. When the therapy room door opens R bolts into the room to see what is going on. She really wants to be included and there is a lot of crying and dragging her back out. Let's face it, M's therapy is fun and loud filled with puzzles, games and play with learning included in everything they do. Who wouldn't want to play too?

I think that have a special needs sister has made my older one more caring and mature, while the baby just sees M as lots of fun to be around. M does get rough but R protects herself by turning on the tears and I am never too far away. When therapy is not in, I am strictly coping with all of them so the other 2 don't get too much attention. It mostly goes to M and what she is into. We turn the time spent out of therapy reinforcing what she is doing in therapy. We use the same words, phrases and commands.

Hope this helps,

Kandi

[Stella Li]

Lis, I did similar thing as Dave did for his children. My children are younger. The son (has autism) will go to kindergarten in September. My daughter is 2 1/2. She does copy negative behaviours: perseverate requesting, some guesture of her brother…etc. We have been running our ABA program for just over a year and my son has improved a lot!! I have changed from worrying to doing what we can to help both of them.

(1) give my daughter attention as much as possible. While my son is in therapy, I may take her out to run errands. When I am busy, grandma or our part-time nanny will occupy her or take her to the park. The therapists try to give her some attention as far as they could, when they see her around. Sometimes my daughter is my son's playdate in session for 10-15 mins.

(2) take my daughter away while my son tantrums and I have to tackle the tantrum. We don't want her to see.

(3) be fair to both of them. If they misbehave, they will both be disciplined

(4) they started to play together and interact with each other independently, and my daughter is the one who initiates. Her brother loves to play with her and they fight for toys as typical siblings… I found that my daughter is helping my son a lot because of her active and playful nature. I make use of the chance to teach sharing, turn taking, play skills, and appropriate speech and language, for both of them and it works.

(5) My daughter is not going to pre-school yet but I'll take her to some classes (tot gym, storytime, kids' program) in September. She is exposed to typical children at our church and at our home quite often.

So far, things work out well. My children are enjoying each other's company. I am happy that I have a typical child to interact with my autistic one, to help him interact and play. They love each other though they fight like typical siblings.

Hope this helps!!

Stella

[David Chan]

Well,

Mr. P's sister is now going into grade 4, turning 9 in October. We do our very best to keep therapy times quiet for Mr. P, and it was always thus. From the very beginning, since Miss V was in-utero when we got Mr. P's diagnosis, we made a point of making sure that she got her share of attention. It hasn't always been sucessful, but in recent years, we have been able to brief Miss V about how her brother has learning time, and it's important for her to respect his learning time, as we respect her learning time as well.

We are very fortunate in that they will hang out to watch TV, and even engage in some play together. In some areas Miss V understands that, her brother has a much higher skill level than herself. She respects him because he can play the sax, throw a frisbee really well, ride a bike, rollerblade. We explain to her, that he has to try extra hard to learn all these things, and she could ask him to help and show her how to do these things.

ABA therapy is part of her life too, because she doesn't know any other way of life in our family. We also try and get the Therapists to interact with her independently as well, and sometimes even engage in things like game playing between the three of them i.e. TX'T, Mr. P, and Miss V, all playing the same board game, or sports activity like soccer practice.

Yes, sometimes they fight over the TV, when he channel surfs, but it all seems pretty typical interaction between siblings. When ever there is some friction between them, we debrief both kids, to the level that they can understand, and contiue as usual.

Hope that is of some use to you Lisa,

Mr. P's Dad
Dave

P.S. Mr. P is going to high school next Tuesday…..so the adventure continues……….

[Lis Louwrier]

Hi there everyone.

I am writing because I am interested if anyone might be willing to share their experiences with me on the effects of autism on their typical children. Has anyone found any negative behaviours occur from the typical children as a result of copying their autistic siblings? I can definately rule out autism for the younger sibling but have seen some behaviours erupting recently and can not tell what exactly is going on. The typical child is starting pre-school in September but I am considering more activities to keep him busy and not thinking about home.

I am also interested in how other families have kept siblings busy while their ABA programs are happening.

I would appreciate any feedback anyone has as this is my mind much recently.

Many thanks

Lisbeth Louwrier
Victoria, BC

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